There’s a whole Facebook page dedicated to things overheard in Waitrose, the supermarket for the well-to-do. Rightly or wrongly, there is a general impression among those who don’t shop there is that the people who do are posh as they can not only afford to buy caviar and tapenade, but they also know what those items are.

Anyway, I digress, which isn’t a good idea for someone who writes a blog and is trying to grab the readers attention. What I overheard when I visited the other day (I’d saved up enough to buy a tomato) was the following admonition by a parent to his very young son, who was engaged in trying to annoy his even younger sister.

“Otis! Stop winding India up!” said the flustered, barbour-coated father to his children as they stood by the Choco-Liebnitz.

I think Otis and India are lovely names, but I couldn’t help wondering why I never hear the names of my generation any more. What happened to all the Grahams, Pauls, Garys, Marys and Karens? Or, for that matter, the Stephens of this world?

According to the website UKBabyNames.com, there were only 80 Stephens registered last year, making it the 496th most popular name. It had been one of the most common – or I should say “popular” now that I shop in Waitrose – names since the Norman King Stephen grabbed the English throne in 1135, and I’ve grown quite attached to it over the years. I’d hate to see it disappear altogether. The one bright spot is that the name increased in popularity last year after decades of decline, having been at its peak in 1954. But the trend is still downward.

Why is it not fancied anymore? There are plenty of celebrity Stephens about. Step forward Messrs Fry, Gerrard, King, Buscemi, Wright, Tyler, K Amos, and (in an attempt to save two traditional names in one go) actor Stephen Graham. But I suppose against these illustrious names there is also Steve Bruce, which goes some way to counterbalancing the popular guys. At least, in the North East it does.

There are no songs about Stephen, so maybe that’s the issue. And I can’t think of any pop star under the age of thirty with my name, although there are a few from the Golden Days of Pop Music. Priest, Winwood, Miller, Marriott, Ray Vaughan, and, er…Nicks. 

But are there any Steves in Five Seconds of Summer or Wet Leg? No. 

So if you’re expecting a bouncing baby boy (why are the always bouncing?) I would ask you to consider bucking the trend and go for a more traditional name. 

Otherwise you’ll get laughed at in Waitrose.